


The Birds and the Bees

by FunkyMeihem



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Meihem - Freeform, Pregnancy, Reproductive health, junkmei, meirat, sterile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 03:58:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyMeihem/pseuds/FunkyMeihem
Summary: Junkrat asks Mei a surprisingly personal question, and ends up being stuck in Mercy's clinic for an impromptu lesson on sex education.





	

The question had come from nowhere.

Mei hadn’t been expecting it at all, not while she was laying in bed still panting and sweating, her body only just starting to cool from their third round of the night.

Junkrat had returned from a mission in Egypt, arriving on a ship that had landed earlier that evening after almost four weeks away. The junker had shoved his way past his colleagues, waved Roadhog off as his bodyguard headed for the cafeteria, made a beeline for Mei’s dorms, and had set upon her like a man possessed as soon as she’d barely opened the door. That had been hours ago, and the junker’s libido was finally starting to slow down, allowing Mei to at least catch her breath. She was an absolute mess, her hair damp and sticking out in all directions, her body flushed pink and glistening with perspiration, and the insides of her thighs were still wet and sticky. He had just rolled off her in a similar state of disarray, though disarray was hardly an unusual state for him in the first place. He was grinning as always, laying sprawled on his back next to the dazed woman atop her rumpled snowflake sheets.

There was finally room for something else in his brain, able to think of something other than sex. Well, the thoughts were still sex-related, but he wasn’t really sure where they had come from. He’d taken Mei to bed countless times since their first night together and he’d never really thought of it before. He’d been focused on…other things at the time. Still, the thought he had was intriguing. Really, it was a good question, he decided, so he turned to her and he asked it.

“Oi, Mei.”

“Mm?” She gave a little moan next to him, eyes closed and barely listening.

“Did ya ever want a baby?”

 

***

 

For several long moments there was silence. Even Mei’s breathing had stopped, and she could have sworn her heart skipped several beats. She wasn’t sure she had heard him correctly. “W-what?”

He repeated it for her. “Did ya ever want a baby? Like ever?”

She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on one elbow so she could really look at him. Her hair was stuck in a rather humorous way across her forehead, another lock of it sticking straight up on the side. The comical appearance did not match her expression, a mixture of dull shock and confusion.

“W-why would you ask me that? Why _now_?”

He shrugged one bony shoulder far too casually for her liking. “I dunno. Just thought of it.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been barebackin’ you for how many months now, and you never cared? Never asked for a rubber or anything. I mean, not that I had any anyhow, but you never seemed real worried. Don’t think I ever seen you on the pill either? Fuck, darl, don’t look at me like that, you know I like barebackin’ you more than anything, I’m loving this whole no-franger thing we got going on, but I’m guessing you just ain’t worried about a…uh…accident?”

She smoothed her hair back from her face. Junkrat was right, she’d never been concerned about the use of condoms or pills. Still, it had not been a question she’d ever expected him to ask, and trying to put her reasons into words made her more than a bit uncomfortable. The relatively pleasant afterglow faded like a dying flame, flickering and vanishing even as his fiery gaze burned into her, awaiting an answer.

“Can… _you_ have a baby?” She asked cautiously. “No, sorry. That came out wrong. I just…I don’t know. I just…didn’t think we could?”

He frowned at her distress, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer as the cool metal of his mechanical fingers ran soothingly up and down her forearm.

“Cause of my balls?” he asked abruptly.

“What?”

“Ya know, darl? The radiation? I mean, fuck me, my nuts are so irradiated they glow at night, s’like two little headlights down there. It’s how I get around in the dark.”

She uttered a strange little barking noise, expression twitching. “Don’t make me laugh now! This is serious!”

“That’s why I’m askin’ for serious! I dunno, thought maybe you knew my baby-maker can’t make babies?” It was his turn to be distressed, his own flame starting to slowly die as more thoughts invaded his brain to join the first thought that was causing them such trouble. “What if you want one? What if I ain’t any good for it because I have bodgy balls? What if you want a bloke who…who’s still a full bloke?”

The look on his face made her heart feel like it would crack in two, and she gave a brittle little sigh as she went to embrace him. She pulled herself full-body against him, arm draping across his chest and leg wrapping around his as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Jamie, I don’t want you to think that. I don’t care about your…condition, when it comes to that. I didn’t even know. I guess I never really worried about it because I thought I was the one who couldn’t have children?”

“What, you too?”

“I’m fairly sure I can’t, so…I guess between the two of us we just don’t have to worry?” She offered him a rather sad little smile. “I guess we had to talk about this sort of thing some day. I just didn’t know it would be today. But Dr. Ziegler is almost certain that I’m…” she winced. “I hate to use the word ‘sterile’. But clinically, having no menstrual cycle and cryogenically frozen innards for ten years isn’t really conducive for healthy eggs.”

He was staring at her with an odd look, and she reached up to soothingly touch his face when he asked, “Wait, why’d you have eggs?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t get it, they froze you with eggs?” He looked confused. “I thought you ran out of food up there, you said?”

Now she was confused. “No, no, my eggs. _My_ eggs. You know, a woman’s eggs? Ovaries? Fallopian tubes? Fertilized zygotes? For babies?”

“The fuck are you talkin’ about, darl? You speaking Chinese at me again?”

She sat up slowly, looking down at the thoroughly baffled junker before her. “Wait…Jamison, do you know how pregnancy works?”

Junkrat bristled at that, upper lip curling to reveal pointed teeth as his gaze narrowed and his voice was full of offense. “Just because I’m a junker don’t mean I’m a bloody idiot, Mei! I know how it works!”

She held up both hands quickly. “Jamie, you know I didn’t mean it like that. But did they ever teach you anything about reproductive health? You know, erm…human anatomy, all that? Did anyone in Junkertown teach you that, or Roadhog, or maybe a book?”

“’Course I do! You think I don’t know how fucking works? I fucked plenty before I got here and started fucking you. I expect a smartie like you knows how it goes just as well. Your balls got like a tube thingy what goes to your donger, you put it in a lady, you get your spooge all up in her and then it grows in there…ya know, her womb and all. Junkers don’t have many babies, but we all know what goes into making them!”

“…Ugh, don’t call it spooge.”

“Well excuse me, your ‘ighness, but you can’t make a baby without the baby batter. And…And I don’t got any of the good stuff.”

She sat up, putting her glasses on and taking her phone in one hand, tapping at the keyboard rapidly. “Are you doing anything tomorrow morning?”

“Uh, sleep until noon, layin’ in here with you naked, maybe get room service with some bacon and eggs for lunchies? Take a nap until dinnertime?”

“Okay, we’re going in for an appointment with Mercy at ten instead.”

He grumbled sullenly, rolling onto his stomach and rather childishly turning his face away from her, staring at the far wall. “Ya know what, I was havin’ a really, really good night up until now. Can we just nix the whole ankle biter discussion? Forget I ever asked. I’m real good at forgetting things, I’m sure you can too. Just tell Doc Angelface to cancel the app. It never happened, we’ll just go on like we have been, yeah?”

The warm weight of her smaller body climbed atop him, nestling into the dipping arch of his back as she began tickling kisses to side of his throat and shoulders. Her voice was low and cajoling, clearly trying to distract him from his sulking. “No. If you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s okay. If you’re tired, we can just go to sleep…or…” She wrapped her arms around his neck and he felt the plush softness of her chest pressed against him, grinding her hips against the small of his back as though she were riding him. “Maybe just…one more time?”

She was just wanting to distract him, and damnit it was working like a charm. He tried to resist for about four seconds before whirling around, his strong arms pinning her down into the bed as he mounted her yet again. “Y’act so cute and innocent, Snowflake,” he groaned reluctantly, starting to move atop her. “You’re a fuckin’ sneaky snake, what you are. Takin’ advantage of poor ol’ Junkrat like this. I won’t forget this.”

She leaned up to kiss the tip of his broad nose, dark gaze meeting his. “I don’t want you to forget. I’ll show you tomorrow.”

 

***

 

Angela was waiting for them the next morning, sipping on her third coffee already. It was a little after ten before she heard the telltale _k-thump k-thump_ of a pegleg, walking a little slower than normal…probably to spite the much smaller set of footsteps heard behind him. Junkrat rounded the bend and reluctantly entered the clinic, shepherded in by Mei as she quietly shut the door behind them.

“I’m sorry we’re a little late, Dr. Ziegler. I got your message this morning, I’m glad you could make time for us. _Both_ of us.” she said pointedly, staring down the junker next to her. He grumbled under his breath in reply.

“It’s fine, Mei,” Angela said mildly. “You know, I have seen a lot of strange things during my time in Overwatch, many unique experiences. But I don’t think anything like this particular…request, has ever come up before. But, I did find some more elementary-level charts and videos and put something together. Athena, please begin the new reproductive health presentation on the main monitor.”

“Right away, Dr. Ziegler. Please turn your attentions to Monitor One.”

Junkrat turned a bit curiously as the screen flickered to life. The first picture was of two naked people, a man and a woman, standing side by side, with arrows pointing to their various parts; breasts, gonads, pubic hair, the most basic things on a nude human body. Junkrat looked less than impressed. “The fuck is this for? Is it to make Mei blush, because I think you won already. It’s real easy, ain’t it?”

Mei frowned at him, pulling up two chairs and tugging him down into one next to her. “I’ve seen plenty of people in the nude, I’m just a little nervous is all.”

Angela pulled out a red laser pointer and began zooming in to various things. Junkrat’s complaint quickly died away, and a puzzled interest began to peak as the doctor began taking him on a much more thorough tour of the insides of the human body than he’d ever seen before. He’d seen more naked junkers than he could count, and had also seen the insides of plenty of those junkers too, if there was trouble, but this was different. He’d never…well, he’d never been this close and personal with the inner workings of a cock and balls before. The doctor patiently listed the bits off for him; urethras and glans and testicles and more tubes connecting various bulbular things than he’d ever known about.

“And, when sexual arousal is at its peak, as you know, the male’s penis becomes erect-” Angela continued, clinical and professional as ever. The picture changed to a series of photographs that showed the anonymous man’s penis becoming very erect, and Mei coughed gently and became suddenly interested in her phone.

“Oi, Mei, lookit. That’s me, the first time I saw you take off your coat. Mei, look. Put your phone down, you wanted me to be here, we’re gonna learn about dongers!”

“If you both would not _mind_ ,” Angela said in that no-nonsense tone, causing them both to sit up straight in their chairs politely, “Please return your attentions to the presentation. As you will see in the next slides here, the male is in a state of full sexual arousal. This can usually be from self-stimulation, or coital purposes. As you can see here, as stimulation reaches its peak, the semen produced in the testes moves up the seminal vesicle-”

“Oi, look at that, Mei. That’s when you shoot spooge,” he whispered helpfully, elbowing her lightly.

“Stop calling it spooge!” she hissed.

“-Taking with it the means of delivering male reproductive DNA, in the form of sperm,” the doctor changed slides again, this time to a video of hundreds upon hundreds of eerie squiggling things, tails whipping as they writhed under the microscope.

Junkrat looked strangely thrilled, standing up from his chair and pointing. “Holy fuckin’ hell! Mei, look at those! Wait, I didn’t know that’s where sperms was, that’s what’s inside my load! Look at ‘em all squiggling around in there.”

“Mr. Fawkes, please sit back down- thank you. This method of DNA delivery will be expanded upon once it is received by the female, as seen here,” Angela continued.

Mei was a little glad when the rather sickening video of the writhing things was switched over to an image that was slightly more easy to handle; the woman’s lower belly and the reproductive organs beneath. She was a little to surprised to see how rapt Jamison’s attention was. Even during exciting movies he was usually fidgeting and distracted, but he looked genuinely fascinated as Angela took him on a tour through the decidedly more complex inner workings of the woman’s body. He watched as eggs were released from ovaries, muttering a low “Oh, that’s what ya meant, darl,” when they traveled towards the uterus. He gave Mei an almost sympathetic look when menstruation and cramps were explored, and squinted as he tried to pronounce the scientific names of all the outer workings of a vulva.

“Oi, Mei,” he whispered next to her again.

“Shh!”

“You like it on the clit and the labia minora, right?”

“SSSHHH!” She hid her face, cheeks reddening.

Angela silenced them both with another look, circling her pointer around a rather abrupt animation of a transparent penis entering a transparent vagina. “-During intercourse, at peak arousal, the DNA payload is delivered via repeated expulsion of the semen. The sperm in the semen travel up into the cervix. Now, the woman’s cervix produces a thick mucus that will outright kill most of the sperm-”

“Hooley dooley, that’s heartless!”

“-Leaving only the healthiest sperm to invade via swimming ability until they find the available egg, if the woman is on the correct stage of her cycle as explained before,” Angela droned on as Junkrat leaned his chin in both hands and watched, as the egg became fertilized, transformed into a zygote, then various stages of a fetus, and finally into a baby. She paused as the screen went blank. “I trust you both know how babies are delivered after that, I did not include anything past that stage. I hope this has helped you understand a bit more, Mr. Fawkes?”

“So…what happened to my balls when the radiation got ‘em, doc? What happens then?”

She pursed her lips a little before typing something into the main computer, as two more screens popped up. Mei blanched a little. The left screen showed the same video as before, the squirming, writhing sperm with their tails whipping as they searched mindlessly for an egg. The right screen showed a much slower and stranger video, where the sperm were misshapen and stunted, their tails short or crooked and mostly unable to swim as they spun listlessly in circles or slowly writhed and died right on screen. Junkrat wore a strange expression, both curious and perhaps a little disappointed.

“That right ‘un is mine, then?”

“Not yours exactly, but a comparable example of long-term radiation effects on reproductive organs. I’m sorry, Mr. Fawkes, but it’s been at such a stage for so long that I do not believe there is anything currently available in today’s medicine to undo that level of damage. If you would like to speak to me privately, I can explain further how-”

He shook his head, sucking on a tooth idly. “Nah, doc. I knew it was fucked up, just didn’t know it was like all that. Huh. What about Mei?”

Angela glanced to Mei as if for permission, and received a little nod. “Mei’s experiences with the malfunctioning cryostasis were a little more…unique, circumstance-wise. There is nothing to really compare it to in the archives, but Mei’s body was frozen for over a decade and her eggs were not frozen in a vitrification fashion…Female eggs are large, fragile, and made up of water that crystallizes during freezing. Her eggs died inside her and there is no means to produce more. We have made sure to cease any further menstrual cycles to avoid complications, if only for safe hormone production. When hormone-”

He waved a hand. “Yeah, arright, I think that’s makin’ her sad, I get the picture. So…we both got fucked up insides, then?”

Angela looked between them cautiously. “If you were to ask for my professional assessment, I am sorry, but I do not believe that either of you are capable of healthy conception. If this is something you ever decide to pursue together, there are…other avenues…”

Mei was looking a little dour, and Junkrat reached out to take her hand rather gently. Angela’s expression softened as the junker nodded casually. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Ain’t nothing we didn’t know already, yeah darl?”

“I’m going to step out for just a moment, please let me know if there are any more questions or anything else you might like to know,” the doctor swept up a pile of papers in one arm and bustled out to another part of the clinic.

***

Mei finally looked up at him when she was sure Dr. Ziegler was gone. “I just…wanted you to know all of it. How. Why. But now I’m sorry I dragged you here.”

“Don’t be. I just learned that there’s a goddamn battleground going on inside you every time we come. Who knew all those bits were so fuckin’ complicated in there? Goddamn…sperms and cervixes and murder-mucus and fuck knows.” He chattered at her, but saw her expression was unchanged. “Mei…Don’t be sorry, arright? It was real interesting in a weird way, and I guess we…kind of know more about each other now, yeah? C’mere.”

His lanky arms moved around her and she moved to embrace him in return, burying her face briefly against his neck. “I don’t want you to ever think that I won’t accept you because of…not being whole. Nobody’s perfect, we’re both ‘messed up’ like you said.”

“You’re perfect t’me, love.”

He felt her smile against his shoulder. “That’s sappy…but thank you. I guess it bothers me a little sometimes, but I’ve mostly come to terms with it. And I guess it works out. We can be a little messed up together.”

He planted a kiss to her forehead. “You wanna head to the practice range with me and Roadie before lunch, maybe? I uh…I’ll try to remember not to tell him nothing about any of this. This don’t change a thing, all right? We’re still the best we ever been, you and me. Together.”

“Thank you, Jamie…I mean it. And I think I will go to the range with you. Let me go change into my gear and I’ll meet you there.” She untangled herself from his grasp and moved towards the door, pausing to look back when he whistled at her.

“Oi, Mei.”

“Hm?”

“…Spooge.”

“Ugh! Stop!”

 

***

 

Angela returned to an empty clinic several minutes later, still shuffling through piles of paperwork and glancing over her appointments for the day. Mei and Junkrat’s impromptu meeting was over, and it seemed her next patient was already here, as a polite knocking rapped at her door. McCree sidled inside a moment later, ridiculous boot spurs jangling as he ambled forward, his eyes suddenly drawn past her.

“How’s it going, Ang?”

She offered him a little smile. “I’m doing well, Jesse. Busy as always, you know!”

“I can tell…Heh, boy howdy,” he began chuckling.

“Hm?”

“You uh…you still got a little ‘busy’ on the screen there, Angie darlin’.”

Angela turned and saw the main monitor was still on, and Junkrat must have gone back several slides. There, across the entire enormous screen, was the graphic depiction of the transparency-overlaid man’s penis going into the woman’s vagina, looping infinitely over and over.

She nearly fell over, papers flying out of her arms as she ran towards the monitor and began slamming at buttons to turn it off. “Oh mein gott! Es tut mir so leid, I am so sorry!”

This time, it was her turn to blush as the cowboy dissolved into wild laughter behind her.


End file.
